The One with the Thank Yous and Forgiveness

I am thinking about you today. Not because I miss you, not because I wish to see you, not because I can’t live without you; but, because today we would be celebrating an anniversary. On this day 4 years ago we vowed to love each other, through thick and thin, death do us part, to cherish each other forever - blah blah blah. We made these promises in front of our closest friends and family, for us and before God.

I would never wish for my experience with you, about you to be different. I would never wish that it hadn’t happened. I could never truly hate you because I once loved you, unconditionally and without question. And as I look back on this time and the decisions that we made, I wonder if it was real. I wonder if what we had was nothing more than convenience, comfort and companionship. I wonder if I should have listened to my gut when I felt that I was too young to be making such a big life decision. I wonder if I was blinded by love and just didn't want to see the red flags. And while I think those things, I remember how blissful everything was, how loved and cherished I felt, how pure and innocent what we had was, even if it was for a short time.

I am thinking about you today because I want to thank you. To thank you for realizing that what we had wasn’t working and it wasn’t going to work. To thank you for putting me out of the misery that I was living in every day but was too blind to see because I vowed to love you, always. I want to thank you for helping me realize what is most important to me, about myself and about a partner, and what not to settle for. I want to thank you for showing me that I deserve better.

I thank you and I forgive you. I forgive you for dragging me around and stringing me along. I forgive you for giving up on me, on us. I forgive you for making me feel like I wasn’t worth the fight. I forgive you because, after many hours of soul searching, with a professional and with my friends and family who should be professionals, I know that I am worth it.

I forgive you because I have, honestly, never been happier and I can honestly thank you from the bottom of my heart for forcing me to realize it.

Thank you.

The "Maybe" Guy

I am having a great time on a first date, I think we are on the same page and we are totally hitting it off. At the end of the date he gives me a hug and kisses me on the cheek (weird). And then he says to me, "We should definitely do this again sometimes, maybe." Maybe?! I say, "yes, I would really like that." He says, "yeah, maybe." Maybe, again?! Then he goes in for another hug and kisses me on the lips. Um...what's up with this "maybe" business? So then I walk to BART and he tells me to text him when I get there. 
I get to BART and I text him that I had a nice time and would like to see him again and he responds with, "thanks for the note, get home safe." Again, what? 
Later in the week he sends me a text thanking me for going out with him and wishing me a good week. Again, I say I had a nice time and that I hope to see him again. Nothing. The next day he says that he is going out of town and wants to see me the following weekend. Okay, cool.
We end up getting together for dinner and drinks. Date #2. We were having a great time, laughing and telling stories. At the end of the night he is walking me to the BART station and I asked him about the "maybe" comments from the first time we hung out. He sounded surprised and didn't remember that he said that and said that it could have been that he didn't think I wanted to get together again. And he said that it could have been that he was going on a big vacation and would be gone for a while. We talked about the "maybe" situation for a bit and he told me that he would call me when he returned from his trip.
He sent me a message later in the week and called me "kiddo." Who is this guy?! Morale of the story, it doesn't hurt to ask, even if it's weird.

Healthy Bod Squad

Since I started working at my last job and got a gym membership - I know, I am such an adult - I have been in desperate need of some workout ideas. I saw a trainer, I downloaded apps, I visited websites, but they all seemed to be the same exercises that I normally do. I also was having trouble finding workouts because of the surgery I had on my elbow and I was babying my arm and not doing anything with my upper body.

A few weeks ago, I had lasik and was off from exercising for about 3 weeks - I know, ick - and when I was able to start working out again I decided to get back into a full/total body workout and incorporate some upper body exercises. I started off by doing some lighter stuff and then moved into doing some of the classes at the gym. I was feeling great while being a little frustrated at myself for waiting so long to do this, since it wasn’t really bothering my arm.

In the beginning stages of this, the lovely friend Melissa from Real Nutritious Living reached out to me about this cool new program that she and her business partner were getting into: Bikini Body by Summer sponsored by The Healthy Bod Squad. I mean, the name itself is enticing, isn’t it? She asked me if I would try it out and write a post about it and, of course, agreed to it. We all need to spice up our exercise routines, right? Speaking of spices, these lovely ladies have also included detailed recipes for breakfast, lunch, dinner and even snacks! 

I have officially been doing the workout for about 2 weeks now and I have been loving it. There is great variety with modifications, to make the exercises easier or more difficult. 

The workouts are split up between upper and lower body and what I love most about the different workouts is, besides that they are quick so I get a lot of bang for my buck, they also incorporate core strength and even some of them are full body routines. So, on leg day, I don’t feel like I am neglecting my upper body and vice versa and it is also a good source for incorporating some cardio, getting my heart pumping and getting a good sweat on. 

My favorite exercise, so far:

BURPEE JACK

*Stand with feet shoulder-width apart and arms at your sides. 

*Bending at the hips and knees, reach down to put your hands on the ground. 

*Once your hands reach the ground, extend your legs out behind you with a quick hop into a push-up position. 

*Once your legs have been extended out straight, spread them wide and then pull them back in. 

*Keeping your hands on the ground, reverse the leg drive motion to bring your feet back under you. 

*Jump hop, raising your hands above your head. 

Modification: To make this exercise easier, omit the jump at the end.

Variation: To make this exercise harder, add a pushup once hitting the ground before the jack.

Yes, I know that I am crazy to love that one, but I really felt it after and isn’t a post workout burn the best feeling ever?!

Anyway, I definitely recommend checking out The Healthy Bod Squad and hopping on the workout train. There are tons of great workout tips and healthier eating options - no diets, gimmicks or recipes that take up too much time. Since I am typically a healthy eater anyway, I am most excited about the variety of workouts to keep me engaged and wanting to go to the gym every day!

I hope you all join and when you do, let me know and we should start a fitness challenge! How fun would that be?!

**Disclaimer: I received the program for free, but all of the above thoughts are my own.

The D**K Pic Guy

Yes, you read that title right...
I had been harmlessly messaging with this guy in hinge, it was totally g-rated - about our weekends and his dog when he asked me for my number. I gave it to him thinking that we were going to make plans to meet in person. We texted a couple of times back and forth about my weekend when totally out of the blue he asked me if I liked to talk naughty and before I could respond he sent me a picture of his ding-a-ling! I almost died.

We have never even met and we hadn't even been talking for that long! What is wrong with people? Oh! And the best part is that it was like 4pm on a Monday....doesn't this dude have a job? Oh wait...you can see his desk and computer in the photo. I have been wondering if he took the picture when everyone was out getting the afternoon frapp from Starbucks.
My friend and I were coming up with all kinds of great responses: "Oh, I see you like small talk" or "I only date leftys," but I was worried he was going to harass me, so I decided to play it safe. I responded, (I will admit, I waited a bit to see if he would respond, he didn't) then I blocked his number.
I guess there is a first time for everything. Thank you for taking my "Dick Pic Virginity" bro....it wasn't even a nice-looking one....!  

The One Where I Showed Up Tipsy

I had a first date with this guy and before the date a coworker asked me to grab drinks. After some arguing and telling my coworker 'no,' I finally caved and we walked across the street and grabbed a drink, well...um...3. Yeah, oops. I showed up to the date visibly buzzed, was totally 'on' and talking a million miles a minute. Needless to say, he told me he had plans and we parted ways. Neither of us has reached out to the other again. ha. oops, that was a my bad.

The Jerky Message Guy

Oh! Do I now?! Should I also post one of me naked, too? Thanks for the online dating tip, dude, let me get right on that.  What is wrong with people? 

The One with the Anniversary

Can you believe that it is already the early part of May? I cannot. This year, 2015, has literally flown by and I cannot even comprehend where the time has gone. 
Yesterday marked one year from when the Ex (have I mentioned that I am not saying his name? Well, tangent - I have decided that I don't want to use his name, in print or in conversation, because when/if I do, I want to talk about experiences that we shared. I have been doing so well in talking about trips and adventures as just me, not we, which has been hard to come by. So that is why I don't speak {or type} his name) came home and told me that he wasn't sure if he wanted to be married to me anymore. 
I cannot even begin to describe the devastation that hit me, the confusion that overwhelmed me, the hurt that consumed me. I remember how vulnerable I was, how poorly I treated myself because I didn't understand my role in the entire process and how confused I felt.
In the weeks leading up to this year anniversary, I have reflected, reflected hard, about the woman I was a year ago, the woman I am today and the woman I aspire to be in the future. I have taken control and I am living the life that I want to live without regrets all while putting myself first.
If I met one-year-ago-La Tache today, I would give her a hug and tell her to hold on for dear life to those who care most about her. I would tell her that she is going to be okay, that she is going to come out on top, that she is going to make it through. I would tell her to hang in there when life takes many turns for the worst, to take good care of herself through all of this and that none of this could have been stopped and this isn't her fault. I would try to convince her that people change, and that it's okay to change and I would encourage her to take a good, long look in the mirror and see her faults as places to improve. I would remind her that she is worth something, that she deserves the world and to never accept anything less. 
In the last year, I have learned a lot about myself, about what I want and what I have to offer. I have learned to be cautious and to listen to red flags. I have learned how to have unrestricted fun, to try new things and how to accept people for who they are and not to judge others too harshly (I mean, don't get me wrong...I still judge, but in a different way...is that even a thing? anyway...) Ultimately, I have learned how to love myself, how to take care of myself and how to live for myself. I have learned how to be selfish, in a productive way. Saying that you are selfish can have such a negative connotation, and it shouldn't. We all need our "me" time and we have to listen to ourselves and our needs. And when you are with someone when you are a young and still growing into an adult, it is easy to forget that you are your own person with your own needs. I think that that happened to me, to us. We met when I was 20 and were married when I was 23, that is so young (not to say that it can't work, that it is a bad thing or people can't grow together at that age). I know for myself, that I was not the person I am today, and it's for the better.
This has been the most challenging, amazing, difficult, fun, stressful and wonderful years of my life. I am blessed to be surrounded by wonderful people, to have a great job and to be healthy - mentally and physically. I would wish for different experience and would not trade what I have learned for the world. Cheers to another great year - and hopefully a less eventful one :-) And I will leave you all with my new theme song: