The New Adventure

October 28 was an emotional day for me. It's the day I decided to face my fears and allow myself to be vulnerable. It's the day I moved out of my apartment in Lafayette and moved in with my man-friend in Marin. 
Back in September, I asked Kellin where our relationship was headed. What was next for us on this awesome adventure? We talked a bit about our future, what we wanted for ourselves and what we wanted for our relationship and decided that we would keep the conversation open over the next several weeks and see what made the most sense. Over the following weeks, we talked, we considered all options, we decided to move in together, we searched for places to live and we decided that it made the most sense to move into his place. I told my family and friends, I gave my notice and I started packing.
Packing was hard for me. Where do I start? What do I keep? What do I donate? I built this home for myself out of necessity, out of self preservation. It was perfect for me and exactly my taste and style, it was mine and I worked really hard to be there. Packing was very overwhelming for me. I had to remind myself to breathe.
My little home was a good home. It was cute, quaint, and welcoming. 
I had tons of parties, movie and TV show marathons, started family traditions, laughed, cried, cooked. It protected me when I was feeling insecure and continued to remind me that I am smart, capable, successful and worth it. I wallowed in self pity, I suffered, I fell out of touch, I had serious heartache. I endured, I persevered, I grew, I made life-long friendships, I fell in love.
I had my last party a couple of weeks before my move out date. Girls only. And it was perfect. I had been feeling a overwhelmed and having most of the women who have supported me over the last several years all in one place drinking champagne, eating cheese, laughing, listening to my 'Thong Song" radio station, reminiscing, karaoke-ing the night away at the Round Up and staying up way too late eating all of the leftovers was exactly what the doctor ordered. After the party, I felt at peace. Ready to take on this next adventure.
When I woke up on October 28th, I called my mom and asked her to come by, one last time. The movers arrived and, in less than an hour, they had packed my furniture and loaded the moving truck with all of my belongings. When my home was empty, I cried and my mom held me. I soaked up the space and was taken back to the day I saw the apartment for the first time in July 2014 and knew it was perfect for me and the warm day I moved in with the help of my mom and some of my dearest friends. I considered the milestones that I have conquered over the last several years and I was overcome with love, pride and contentment. I cried happy tears. I cried because this home helped to shape me into the woman I am today. I have countless memories from that home that will forever be part of the very core of myself.
Cheers to this next chapter of my life. Cheers to facing your fears. Cheers to new adventures. Cheers to moving onward and upward.

The College Dude

After having deleted all of the dating apps and taking some much needed time for myself, at the end of last year, I decided that I was interested in getting back into the dating scene. I also decided that I wanted to be more thoughtful about who I dated and I wanted to be in better control of how the dates went. I was looking for something more authentic, genuine and real. All of that said, I was still terrified of any sort of commitment.  I re-downloaded the apps and began to go out on dates again. What was different this time around? I went into each date with confidence. Really knowing and believing that I have a lot to bring to the table, I deserve respect, that I am worth it and truly went by the mentality that if it didn't work out, that was okay - it is all just practice.  I dated a few people between December and March and really enjoyed myself. I felt like I had more control over the entire experience which made dating more enjoyable for me. Less desperate, if you will, to have the other person like me regardless of if I liked the guy or not. Then, into my life walks this dude who I met in a marketing class in college, and he completely flipped my world upside down. In the best way. In February, he posted a picture of a Pliny the Elder beer on Instagram and in similar fashion to every other post since 2008, I liked it and I commented that I had just had the Pliny the Younger and loved it. He responded to my comment, which was not the norm, we exchanged numbers, I went to NOLA for Mardi Gras and he told me that he wanted to take me out on a date. I told him to slow his role and that I would let him buy me a beer 😜 When I got back from NOLA, we met for that beer and had a great time . I even let him take me out on that first date the same night! He was clear about his intentions. He wanted to date me. I told him that I was scared. He told me that we could take it slow. I told him that I wanted to be pursued. He told me that he was old fashioned and liked to open doors. I told him that I was nervous about commitment. He told me he would be patient. We went out for more dates. We went on more adventures. We introduced each other to friends. We introduced each other to family. We started dating at the beginning on March and in the middle of April he asked me to be his girlfriend. Is it just me, or does 'girlfriend' sound silly for someone who is 30? I call him my 'Manfriend.' Yes, I realize that that sounds just as silly! Since March, we have made an intentional effort to be thoughtful, honest, patient, kind, loving and open to ourselves and to each other. He teaches me to breath, how to savor all of the little moments and how to focus on the big picture. He has been patient and calm and understanding. I have worked hard to break down the walls that I have put up and to trust him and to trust that what we have is special and long lasting and I am so glad that I have, because it's totally worth it.

found here

 

The Guy from the Bathroom

So, I am out on a date with TLB (different story), we went to dinner and were at a bar nearby having drinks. I walked over to the bathroom, opened the door on a dude peeing, turned beet red, apologized and ran out and waited. He opened the door, left and as I walked in he turned around and asked me for my phone number.
I told him I wasn't going to give it to him, since he was there was a girl and I was there was a guy. And then he asked me why that was holding me back, blah blah. And I thought to myself, "I mean, whatever, he is cute. Most of my first dates don't amount to anything, anyway. Why not?" So, I gave him my phone number. 

bahahaha! 
(he has since sent me a video of him singing in the car and asked me for my "insta" so we can "stalk each other"
I think that this might be the start of something really special.

The Confused Guy

Uhh...didn't you suggest a wine bar?

The Guy I Photobombed

I went out to dinner with my cousin last week. We were sat next to a table of three good-looking men and had some fun and witty banter with them from the moment we sat down until one of the guys asked for my number (I know, spoiler alert).  One of the guys, the cuter one who was sitting across from me, next to my cousin, who had been looking at me all night, got up and went to the bathroom and when he came back he paused to take a picture of his friends. So, in true 'La Tache' form, I leaned over and photobombed.
We/I laughed about it for a minute and then he told me to get in and take an actual picture, which I declined and then he sat down in his seat. The guy who I was sitting next to turned to me and proceeded to tell me that his friend (the photographer) had been looking at me all night and that he had even sent a group text to the table saying that he wanted to hang out with me. I asked to see the message, he didn't want to show me - I am not sure I believe there was a text sent.
The photographer jumped into the conversation, looked at me and said, "I wanted to ask you if you were single." I answered and he said, "Great, can I take you out to dinner?" I told him he could and then I gave him my phone number. The guy I was sitting next to proceeds to "sell" his friend to me, which he took a few steps too far, but it was funny entertainment. And my cousin then told the guy who asked for my number that 'I don't like to wait and I don't like to play games." (which I don't) He tells my cousin that he doesn't either and then sent me a text to ask me to dinner. 
We have plans to get together tonight. Wish me luck! 

The "Maybe" Guy

I am having a great time on a first date, I think we are on the same page and we are totally hitting it off. At the end of the date he gives me a hug and kisses me on the cheek (weird). And then he says to me, "We should definitely do this again sometimes, maybe." Maybe?! I say, "yes, I would really like that." He says, "yeah, maybe." Maybe, again?! Then he goes in for another hug and kisses me on the lips. Um...what's up with this "maybe" business? So then I walk to BART and he tells me to text him when I get there. 
I get to BART and I text him that I had a nice time and would like to see him again and he responds with, "thanks for the note, get home safe." Again, what? 
Later in the week he sends me a text thanking me for going out with him and wishing me a good week. Again, I say I had a nice time and that I hope to see him again. Nothing. The next day he says that he is going out of town and wants to see me the following weekend. Okay, cool.
We end up getting together for dinner and drinks. Date #2. We were having a great time, laughing and telling stories. At the end of the night he is walking me to the BART station and I asked him about the "maybe" comments from the first time we hung out. He sounded surprised and didn't remember that he said that and said that it could have been that he didn't think I wanted to get together again. And he said that it could have been that he was going on a big vacation and would be gone for a while. We talked about the "maybe" situation for a bit and he told me that he would call me when he returned from his trip.
He sent me a message later in the week and called me "kiddo." Who is this guy?! Morale of the story, it doesn't hurt to ask, even if it's weird.

The D**K Pic Guy

Yes, you read that title right...
I had been harmlessly messaging with this guy in hinge, it was totally g-rated - about our weekends and his dog when he asked me for my number. I gave it to him thinking that we were going to make plans to meet in person. We texted a couple of times back and forth about my weekend when totally out of the blue he asked me if I liked to talk naughty and before I could respond he sent me a picture of his ding-a-ling! I almost died.

We have never even met and we hadn't even been talking for that long! What is wrong with people? Oh! And the best part is that it was like 4pm on a Monday....doesn't this dude have a job? Oh wait...you can see his desk and computer in the photo. I have been wondering if he took the picture when everyone was out getting the afternoon frapp from Starbucks.
My friend and I were coming up with all kinds of great responses: "Oh, I see you like small talk" or "I only date leftys," but I was worried he was going to harass me, so I decided to play it safe. I responded, (I will admit, I waited a bit to see if he would respond, he didn't) then I blocked his number.
I guess there is a first time for everything. Thank you for taking my "Dick Pic Virginity" bro....it wasn't even a nice-looking one....!  

The One Where I Showed Up Tipsy

I had a first date with this guy and before the date a coworker asked me to grab drinks. After some arguing and telling my coworker 'no,' I finally caved and we walked across the street and grabbed a drink, well...um...3. Yeah, oops. I showed up to the date visibly buzzed, was totally 'on' and talking a million miles a minute. Needless to say, he told me he had plans and we parted ways. Neither of us has reached out to the other again. ha. oops, that was a my bad.

The Jerky Message Guy

Oh! Do I now?! Should I also post one of me naked, too? Thanks for the online dating tip, dude, let me get right on that.  What is wrong with people? 

The First-Dating-App Guy

I went on a few dates with the first guy to message me on one of the dating apps that I use. It was fun. He was nice, had a nice smile and made me laugh. Spoiler alert, it didn't last, the whole thing just sort of fizzled out. I think that it made him a little uncomfortable knowing that I had been married before. Whatever, pansy.  Anyway, he kissed me on the second date outside of the bar we had drinks and ate at. It was hilarious and totally memorable because there was a homeless person, to our surprise, who was watching us and decided to serenade us. It was hilarious and magical and weird, all at the same time. Too bad it didn't work out because that's a funny story.

The Catchy-Message Guy

I had to read this more than once. I was with my girlfriend and her response would have been: Cheese. Apples. You. Things I want to cut with a knife.
I almost died from laughter.
When your profile picture is of you making a weird kissy-face, I think it is implied that I am not going to respond. HA!

The First Guy

The first guy I dated after I moved into my new place was a property manager who showed my mom and I apartments when I was looking. The guy seemed nice enough, and he ended up showing me a few different apartments on two separate occasions. Anyway, I found my current spot and sent him an email to thank him for all of his time spent, let him know I found something and to, well basically, have a nice life.

He responded to my email and congratulated me on my place and then said that when I was settled we should get together for coffee or a drink. I had to re-read this email, like, 15 times and then read it aloud to my friend and text my mom. ‘I think I just got asked out on a date,’ this hadn’t happened in a while! (I know, sad, right?)

Anyway, short story long, we went on a few dates but he didn’t last long because I felt like he didn’t listen to me or really care about what I had to say. I know that I talk a lot, but that doesn’t mean that you get to forget/not listen what I said 4 ½ minutes ago. Also, he was a bit older than me and everything with my ex was still so new so he really didn’t even have a chance. 

But honestly, when I tell you it’s my birthday, you freaking remember that it’s my birthday and you wish me a happy birthday on the actual day! I promise, I am not high maintenance and I don’t require much, all I ask is that you are present when we are talking (ie. not of the phone, which he wasn’t) and that you listen and engage in conversation with me. 

Men...sheesh. 

The Mom Guy

I had my first weird-o message me on one of the sites I am using.

Mom guy: Hi (insert some emojis)

Mom guy: Is that your mom on the Golden Gate Bridge?

(this particular site links to your facebook account and pulls your profile photos)

Me: Yes, it is actually my mom in all of the photos.

Mom guy: Well she is beautiful.

Me: Yes, yes she is.

Oh ok, buddy (insert: I blocked him - haha)

What I should have responded with: Thanks, she is taken.

smh

Dating Apps

When I was married I always told friends who were looking to date or to find someone to use dating sites. I would say that if I was in their position I would do it because it is so hard to meet people organically (can I get an amen?). Now that I am in the dating game again (can I really say again? whatever..), apps and online sites were the last thing I wanted to get involved with. It is just so odd, to me, to think that I am basically judging someone on their looks, talking with them for a while and then going on a pseudo-blind date with them. But I guess that that is sort of what you do in a bar and the nerves are semi-removed from the whole experience.

Anyway, a couple of weeks ago some friends signed me up for a couple of the dating apps and so far, I have chatted with a few people, haven’t met anyone in person and have had talked with some weirdos.

It is also an interesting feeling to be out in San Francisco and see guys in bars or walking on the sidewalk and think, “Oh my god, they have probably seen me on one of these sites...What are they thinking? Did they ‘like’ me? Ew, I wouldn’t like him...” The internal monologue goes on. Or, like yesterday, I am pretty sure I literally crossed paths with someone who I have messaged with back and forth with (I would have said hello, had I not been on the phone with AAA - that is a different story for a different time).

Anyway, wish me luck and get excited for my fun stories. Part of me is really excited to go on dates just for the stories….

Feel Free To Text Me Guy

I was on the gym shuttle with one other person and it happened to be a good looking guy. I asked him how his day was going and we ended up chatting for the entire shuttle ride. We exchanged pleasantries, talked about the gorgeous weather and how we weren't jealous of all of you on the East Coast, names and companies we work for and then went on our way when we got off the shuttle.  Later that night I got a linkedin request from him. I will admit that I was flattered that he searched for me, especially since I have a hard name to spell, and the flirting was fun even though it wasn't going anywhere. I accepted the connection and sent him a message saying that it was nice to meet him and to have a nice day. He responded with: 'Feel free to text me if you like.' And gave me his number... Um..way to sell yourself, bro. Yeah, let me get right on that...Are you serious??? People are so weird.