The One with the Anniversary

Can you believe that it is already the early part of May? I cannot. This year, 2015, has literally flown by and I cannot even comprehend where the time has gone. 
Yesterday marked one year from when the Ex (have I mentioned that I am not saying his name? Well, tangent - I have decided that I don't want to use his name, in print or in conversation, because when/if I do, I want to talk about experiences that we shared. I have been doing so well in talking about trips and adventures as just me, not we, which has been hard to come by. So that is why I don't speak {or type} his name) came home and told me that he wasn't sure if he wanted to be married to me anymore. 
I cannot even begin to describe the devastation that hit me, the confusion that overwhelmed me, the hurt that consumed me. I remember how vulnerable I was, how poorly I treated myself because I didn't understand my role in the entire process and how confused I felt.
In the weeks leading up to this year anniversary, I have reflected, reflected hard, about the woman I was a year ago, the woman I am today and the woman I aspire to be in the future. I have taken control and I am living the life that I want to live without regrets all while putting myself first.
If I met one-year-ago-La Tache today, I would give her a hug and tell her to hold on for dear life to those who care most about her. I would tell her that she is going to be okay, that she is going to come out on top, that she is going to make it through. I would tell her to hang in there when life takes many turns for the worst, to take good care of herself through all of this and that none of this could have been stopped and this isn't her fault. I would try to convince her that people change, and that it's okay to change and I would encourage her to take a good, long look in the mirror and see her faults as places to improve. I would remind her that she is worth something, that she deserves the world and to never accept anything less. 
In the last year, I have learned a lot about myself, about what I want and what I have to offer. I have learned to be cautious and to listen to red flags. I have learned how to have unrestricted fun, to try new things and how to accept people for who they are and not to judge others too harshly (I mean, don't get me wrong...I still judge, but in a different way...is that even a thing? anyway...) Ultimately, I have learned how to love myself, how to take care of myself and how to live for myself. I have learned how to be selfish, in a productive way. Saying that you are selfish can have such a negative connotation, and it shouldn't. We all need our "me" time and we have to listen to ourselves and our needs. And when you are with someone when you are a young and still growing into an adult, it is easy to forget that you are your own person with your own needs. I think that that happened to me, to us. We met when I was 20 and were married when I was 23, that is so young (not to say that it can't work, that it is a bad thing or people can't grow together at that age). I know for myself, that I was not the person I am today, and it's for the better.
This has been the most challenging, amazing, difficult, fun, stressful and wonderful years of my life. I am blessed to be surrounded by wonderful people, to have a great job and to be healthy - mentally and physically. I would wish for different experience and would not trade what I have learned for the world. Cheers to another great year - and hopefully a less eventful one :-) And I will leave you all with my new theme song: