The one with the D-Word

And, I am back. Not sure for how long nor how frequent, but I have been feeling an itch to write about the last few months of my life. They have actually been the worst that I have experienced. I know that sounds very dramatic, and if this is the worst thing that ever happens to me in my life, I will count myself lucky and fulfilled. But at this point in my life story, it has been the roughest time. While being challenging, it has also taught me how to survive. It has taught me how to be loving and gracious. It has taught me who matters to me and who I matter to. To say that I have learned a lot in the last 14 weeks is probably an understatement.

When I say "the D-word" I don't mean diet or depression. I mean divorce.

Yup, you read that right. I am getting divorced.

I am not going to use this post to dwell on the negative or to hate, because that just isn't who I am. I am going to use this time to reflect. Reflect on the woman I have become over the last seven years of my life. The woman I have grown to be, and who I am proud to be. This is part of my life, this is part of who I am and I would never wish for it to just go away. Of course, I wish that it didn't end this way, but there isn't anything I can do to make it different.

Over the last seven years, I fell in love. I graduated from college. I got a job. I moved to Carlsbad. I got another job. I got married. I moved to LA. I got another job. I supported myself and someone else. I moved to Berkeley. I got another job. I am getting divorced. I moved again. What did I learn from all of this? That I can do it. That I am strong and capable.

I traveled outside of my comfort zone. I jumped off cliffs in Hawai'i. I walked under waterfalls. I went on road trips. I hiked through the Swiss Alps. I ate croissants in Paris. I camped in Yosemite and hiked Half Dome. I hiked to the top of Mt. Baldy. I hiked and camped for five days to get to Macchupicchu. I tasted salt from the salt mines in Peru. I endured all of these adventures and what has it all taught me? To be fearless. To love unconditionally. To go big.

I have worked and made money to support myself. I have learned who matters to me in life. Who cares and who wants to see me succeed and support me in my successes. I have learned to be grateful and humble, to tell people I love them and to mean it. To be honest and candid, to take care of myself, to be supportive.

I believe that we are meant to endure hardships, heartache and sadness so we can truly know and understand pure and unconditional love and happiness. I am confident that I am where I am supposed to be in my life. Of course, I am sad, heartbroken and devastated, and I have spent many a sleepless night thinking "why me?" and "how did this happen?" but I know that in the end, I am going to be great. And I am not at all saying that I am not bitter, hurt and furious. I am saying that I am going to be fine. Better than ever.

And this now concludes that chapter of my life. It's been so much more than a chapter, this concludes an entire book. It was the best seven years of my life and I know now that there is nowhere to go but onward and upward. Now it's time for me to heal and overcome and start my next book. Cheers to taking baby steps in opening up my new book cover and writing on the first page.

I am pretty sure it doesn't get any more real than this. ;-)