The last 6 months

*If you haven’t watched the most recent episode of Grey’s Anatomy, I apologize that there is a spoiler alert in this post - just don’t read the last paragraph...okay?!

On last Grey’s Anatomy last week, the opening scene is of Callie and Arizona in marriage counseling and the counselor said something to the effect of: people go to marriage counseling for one of two reasons (1) because both parties want to make the marriage work or (2) one party wants to end the marriage and they need help telling the other person. After going through it, I could not agree more.

To say that I have been MIA is an understatement, and to be honest with you, I haven’t really felt that bad about it. I have been loving life, family and friends and traveling. With my busy summer, documenting anything has been my last priority, as you can tell from my mostly neglected instagram feed. 

Part of why I haven’t written is because, well, I am still really devastated about what happened and I don’t really have anything nice to say, so I should say nothing at all, right? I am a true believer in ‘faking it until you make it,’ (or any variation of that) and while I have been keeping myself super busy and surrounded by love, deep down I am still really raw, angry and hurt.

Anyway, let me relive the last 6 months of my life - wow, has it really been that long: may, june, july, august, september, october - wow, it really has been that long! Bring on 2015....please be better than 2014!

**Right before my life hit the fan, I went to Reno to visit one of my cousins and my grandparents for a long weekend. 

**Then my life hit the fan.

**Memorial Day weekend I went to San Clemente with my mom for another long weekend. We spent too much time in the sun (seriously, it can happen, I got the worst sun burn of my life, no joke), we went to Disneyland with friends and family and we spent lots of quality time reflecting and loving on me.

**I went to Santa Barbara for the first time for one of my favorite friend’s Bachelorette parties.

**I went to Lake Tahoe to celebrate my brothers 16th birthday.

**I practiced Reiki and started seeing a counselor for myself. Nope, I am not ashamed to admit it!

**I went to Indiana for the AGD Convention and extended my trip to visit one of my very best friends and meet her sweet baby boy!

**I moved into my very own, grownup, big-girl apartment. I bought all new furniture and was settled and unpacked in less than two weeks. I guess that is what happens when you don’t move anything and buy all new stuff… (?)

**I visited my sister and her family in Calistoga, more than once. Our moms finally got to meet and of course they loved each other!

**I went on my first date in 7 years. Yup! That’s right! I have already been on dates! ha!

**I was laid off from my first ever startup and have recently started working again - It didn’t take me too long to find a new job...I hope this one is a keeper!

**I went to three weddings in the span of five weeks, my mom was my date to one of them.

**I spent the weekend on the lake that I grew up on with the family of one of my best friends - and no, my best friend wasn’t there...it was just me and her aunt and uncle!

**I went to Lake Tahoe with my mom and one of her best friends for a long weekend to celebrate the North Star Art & Wine Festival...oh and my birthday!

**I turned 27 and had a fabulous time celebrating! All of the dinners, a Giants game, lots of A's games (that's what I do for my birthday!) and lots and lots of love!

**I started sewing with my best friends mom! I made my mom and myself these adorable robes! My moms was supposed to be a birthday gift, but I got too excited and I gave it to her already...her birthday is in December…

**I hosted my first party at my house with about 15 people for my hometown’s Art & Wine Festival. It was a blast!

**I have spent tons of time catching up with old friends and creating new ones.

**I sat in the front row at a 49er game!

**I went to San Clemente again to visit my family, see friends and cruise to Catalina Island.

**I went to a great friend’s lake house for some much needed relaxing and girl-only time.

**I went to Sausalito, San Francisco and the Russian River with my family, all just for fun.

As you have probably notices, all of these start with 'I.' They all start with 'I' because 'I am doing me,’ as my best friend likes to say (and I may or may not have said that during an interview…whatever, I got the job, who cares, right?!) and I am doing what I want and what makes me feel good. 'I' is by design.

This has been a summer/fall I will never forget. I have struggled. I have loved, hard. I have burst into uncontrollable laughter. I have had bouts of sadness and grief. I have played. I have reconnected with friends and family. Regardless of the circumstance, this has been one of the best times of my life.

The last scene of the Grey’s Anatomy episode was of Callie and Arizona, again, in their counseling session where Arizona tells Callie how much she loves her and how Callie is her rock, etc. And then Callie begins to cry and tells Arizona that the last 30 days (they were on a break) had been the best of her life and that she had never felt so alive and so free. 

I have had the best summer of my life, and I feel so free and alive. I have turned into an entirely new person - and I love me!

*wow, I just used Grey’s Anatomy in a life lesson….maybe I shouldn’t love me…! :-)

Belated Birthday

This year, for my birthday, I decided that I wanted to have a fresh start, reconnect with old friends and be all around healthier and happier. As my bestie likes to say: "I am doing me." 

I started the year off right with champagne and mani/pedis with my mom and friend, some margaritas and tacos at the local Mexican place, got into a big fight with my mom (which we then made up because neither of us could remember why we were fighting, ha!) and then had a delicious dinner with my amazing friends! 

Eeeekkkkk that hat! :-) LET'S GO OAKLAND! :-)

I am so blessed to be surrounded by such amazing an supported friends and family. I really could not ask for anything better! 

Wedding Season

Happy October to everyone! I am so glad that the weather is cooling down a bit, and we are diving right into fall, which is my favorite season, by far. I absolutely love the smells, the crisp air and all of the pumpkin and squashes I can eat!

Boy oh boy, did I go to a ton of weddings this summer or what?! 3 to be exact, in the span of five weeks! They were all beautiful and I was able to be apart of the special day for three very special ladies in my life. 

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The first wedding of my season of weddings was for none other than my best friend. She was a stunning bride. The wedding was small and intimate and absolutely perfect for the couple.  It was in San Francisco at Grace Cathedral and the reception was at the Marine's Memorial Club.

The second wedding I attended was for a dear Alpha Gamma Delta sister who happened to be one of my residents when I was an RA in the dorms at SF State! Small world! The bride was glowing and constantly had a twinkle in her eye and her one-of-a-kind big, beautiful smile on her face! We enjoyed the beautiful golf course while we danced the night away under sweet twinkle lights! This wedding was at Callippe Preserve Golf Course i
n Pleasanton.

The third, and final, wedding of my wedding tour this summer was for one of my dearest Alpha Gamma Delta sisters. This was definitely one of the most beautiful weddings my mom and I had been to. From the green Napa golf course setting to the officiant to the music on the dance floor under the stars. This wedding was at the Silverado Resort and Spa and it was magical.

Now....I am all wedding'd out. Going to three weddings when you are in the process of going through a divorce is one of the last things, on the planet, that you want to do; however, I wouldn't have missed a single one of these special days for these very special women.

I love you all and cheers to a million years of nothing but happiness, joy and love! 

Okay, universe.

I hadn't posted in a while because, well, I just keep getting knocked down by this year called 2014 and keep having to pick myself up again. I keep having to remind myself that God won't give me more than I can handle. That being said, I am not sure how much more I can handle. (So, universe, how about we take a little break for a while...please? At least 30 years, to be exact)

I have always heard that bad things happen in 3's. And I was talking to a friend and she said that once those 3 things happen, you are okay for 30 years. That sounds about right to me, right? I will take it!

Shortly after I posted about my divorce, I was laid off from my job. Yup, that's right. I moved into my new house and then two weeks later was laid off. Boo.

A week or so after I was laid off, my family cat died. Double boo.

Right after my birthday, one of my best friends from childhood died. Triple boo.

Now, if I am counting right, that is four things. So, that means that I took one extra, for the team, and I am not sure how 'okay' I am with that, but I can't change the past, so I hope that this only means I get at least 40 years of goodness, right? I mean that is the only thing that makes sense.

On the bright side of all of this, I have been truly happier. I have been enjoying my time with my family and friends and I have been smiling. Having to go through these hardships is forcing me to remember and think about all of the good and the positive that is in my life. I am so blessed to be surrounded by amazing, kind, supportive, loving people.

Lake Tahoe Autumn Food & Wine Festival at Northstar

For my birthday, I went to Lake Tahoe with my mom and one of her best friends from law school. Well to be honest, they had already made plans and I just tagged along and crashed their girls weekend :-) It was a gorgeous weekend in Lake Tahoe and we got to eat some amazing food and drink delicious wine and cocktails.

The first night we went to The Art of the Cocktail. The bartenders at the Ritz Carlton at Northstar made us three delicious prohibition cocktails, a mojito with gin, an old fashioned and a fancy moscow mule. They were all delicious and very strong!

We enjoyed our cocktails on big comfy couches at the Ritz and then took the gondola down to Northstar village and had a yummy pizza dinner.

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On Saturday morning we took a much needed stroll along the beach in Tahoe. The weather was better than perfect and the water was temperate. 

We got dressed after our stroll and we headed to Northstar Village for our Wine Makers Luncheon. Petra Wine Bar hosted the luncheon and paired up with FARM Napa Valley wines. The food was delicious and the wines were great. We even got to sit and talk with the wine maker. We will definitely be visiting FARM in Napa!

After the lunch we sat out on the patio with our new friends and drank wine. It was so relaxing!

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We headed back to the hotel, did a quick wardrobe change and headed back to Northstar Village for our Charbay and Caviar pairings. Charbay brought vodka, tequila and rum and paired it with different caviar dishes. For me, caviar is a bit too fishy and salty for me, it was not my favorite. After the pairing we sat outside by the fire and relaxed. It was perfect.

On Sunday morning we headed to the beach and laid out in the sun for about an hour, packed up, stopped at Gar Woods for lunch and headed home. It was a perfect weekend with two of my favorite ladies and we had such a blast! I can't wait to go back next year! 

The one with the D-Word

And, I am back. Not sure for how long nor how frequent, but I have been feeling an itch to write about the last few months of my life. They have actually been the worst that I have experienced. I know that sounds very dramatic, and if this is the worst thing that ever happens to me in my life, I will count myself lucky and fulfilled. But at this point in my life story, it has been the roughest time. While being challenging, it has also taught me how to survive. It has taught me how to be loving and gracious. It has taught me who matters to me and who I matter to. To say that I have learned a lot in the last 14 weeks is probably an understatement.

When I say "the D-word" I don't mean diet or depression. I mean divorce.

Yup, you read that right. I am getting divorced.

I am not going to use this post to dwell on the negative or to hate, because that just isn't who I am. I am going to use this time to reflect. Reflect on the woman I have become over the last seven years of my life. The woman I have grown to be, and who I am proud to be. This is part of my life, this is part of who I am and I would never wish for it to just go away. Of course, I wish that it didn't end this way, but there isn't anything I can do to make it different.

Over the last seven years, I fell in love. I graduated from college. I got a job. I moved to Carlsbad. I got another job. I got married. I moved to LA. I got another job. I supported myself and someone else. I moved to Berkeley. I got another job. I am getting divorced. I moved again. What did I learn from all of this? That I can do it. That I am strong and capable.

I traveled outside of my comfort zone. I jumped off cliffs in Hawai'i. I walked under waterfalls. I went on road trips. I hiked through the Swiss Alps. I ate croissants in Paris. I camped in Yosemite and hiked Half Dome. I hiked to the top of Mt. Baldy. I hiked and camped for five days to get to Macchupicchu. I tasted salt from the salt mines in Peru. I endured all of these adventures and what has it all taught me? To be fearless. To love unconditionally. To go big.

I have worked and made money to support myself. I have learned who matters to me in life. Who cares and who wants to see me succeed and support me in my successes. I have learned to be grateful and humble, to tell people I love them and to mean it. To be honest and candid, to take care of myself, to be supportive.

I believe that we are meant to endure hardships, heartache and sadness so we can truly know and understand pure and unconditional love and happiness. I am confident that I am where I am supposed to be in my life. Of course, I am sad, heartbroken and devastated, and I have spent many a sleepless night thinking "why me?" and "how did this happen?" but I know that in the end, I am going to be great. And I am not at all saying that I am not bitter, hurt and furious. I am saying that I am going to be fine. Better than ever.

And this now concludes that chapter of my life. It's been so much more than a chapter, this concludes an entire book. It was the best seven years of my life and I know now that there is nowhere to go but onward and upward. Now it's time for me to heal and overcome and start my next book. Cheers to taking baby steps in opening up my new book cover and writing on the first page.

I am pretty sure it doesn't get any more real than this. ;-)

Peace within

My mom sent me a lovely chain email yesterday. I know, I know, that sounds so oxymoron, but it was exactly what I needed to hear after my day yesterday. 

"Today may there be peace within.
May you trust that you are exactly where you are meant to be.
May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith in yourself and others.
May you use the gifts that you have received and pass on the love that has been given to you.
May you be content with yourself just the way you are.
Let this knowledge settle into your bones, and allow your soul the
freedom to sing, dance, praise and love. It is there for each and every one of us."

And I will leave you with a gorgeous sunset I was able to witness over Lake Tahoe. Heaven on Earth.

Master Your Metabolism Summit

No Fail Technique to “Master Your Metabolism"

My sweet friend, Melissa Schollaert, is hosting an awesome online summit about metabolism and including some of the nations top experts in the field and I am excited to participate and also to share it with all of you!

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Have you ever wondered how to boost your metabolism naturally?
Are you tired of spending countless hours in the gym and counting calories only to feel like you’re getting nowhere?
Do you wonder what it would be like to wake up with energy every morning?
Would you love to make it through your day without coffee, sugar cravings and afternoon trips to the vending machine?

Join us for the "Master Your Metabolism Summit," happening June 15-22, 2014!

Join Melissa as she interviews 25 of the Nation’s top health experts in a conversation about metabolism and how hormones, diet, gut function and lifestyle all have an effect. Learn from the experts how to master this system and create your most vibrant health. At the Master Your Metabolism Summit, our hand-picked team of functional medical doctors, naturopaths, nutritionists, and health experts reveal how you can regain your energy, lose excess body fat, and boost your metabolism naturally through real food, lifestyle changes, and getting the lab testing you need!

Sign up here for a free ticket to this online event and to receive a complimentary gift from Melissa. Please make sure to forward this along to your friends and family - anyone who could use help Mastering their Metabolism.

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