To Close A Chapter

Last night mom and I went to a book signing for the release of her friends new book: May It Be.  I rushed home after work, mom and I grabbed a glass of wine and snack and then walked over to the local library. We arrived a few minutes late but caught the tail end of Chrissa's book intro. We listened to the other authors talk about their inspirations, sat through some Q&A and congratulated Chrissa on this exciting chapter in her life.
Mom bought a copy and as I was flipping through the pages, reading a few random entries I came across this one:

When the time comes

to close a chapter,

may you honor the ending

as much as the beginning,

just as a hug is an act of

both claiming and releasing.

May you go with integrity,

finish with dignity.

~May It Be, Chrissa Ventrelle

It really spoke to me.

As most of you know, I was married in the Catholic Church. When I separated and then later divorced, I reached out to the priest who married me and was told that I apply for an Annulment with the Diocese so that, in the future, if I wanted to marry again I could do so in the Church. I paid the fees right away; but, I sat on the paperwork for about a year - for no particular reason - more because it was a lot of work that I just wasn't mentally or emotionally prepared for. About a year later, the Diocese contacted me to let me know that the fees would expire if I didn't get moving on the paperwork or I risked having to start over from scratch. So, I submitted the request. 

To clarify, this is all 'in the eyes of the Catholic Church. This has nothing to do with my legal marital status. I am legally divorced. Going through this process will not change the status to annulled.

Fast forward to last fall. After having submitted all of the paperwork and asking several family members and friends to provide testimonies, the Diocese contacted me telling me that my case wasn't 'strong enough' and that the Cannon Judge would likely not approve the request. To say that I was hurt and devastated is an understatement. To be honest, it completely shattered me. It felt like an old wound was being reopened. I was already legally divorced, how could the Diocese do this to me after everything I had been through. After a bit of wallowing in my own self pity (shocking, I know), I picked up the phone and called my contact at the Diocese to figure out what I needed to do to make my case stronger. My contact told me to wait until after the New Year to see if another Judge would see my case and possibly grant me a different decision and if that didn't work, we would present the case in a different way. 

After calling the Diocese to check the status of my case almost weekly for the past 5 months, I received a phone call from my contact at the Diocese last Friday. She told me that the Judge had made a final decision in the affirmative - that my annulment was granted and that "as of today, you are free." (Yes, she used the word "free.") I basically jumped for joy, I told everyone who has been part of this arduous journey with me and toasted a not so great margarita in celebration.

Now, back to yesterday. I received the paperwork with the final ruling in the mail. I felt relieved last Friday, but there was something about reading the words on paper with the Cannon Judge's signature that made it all the more real and sweet. As I was flipping through May It Be, I stumbled upon the above entry, read it aloud to my mom, we teared up, embraced and then I bought my own copy of Chrissa's book. While she signed it, I told her my story and she congratulated and thanked me for sharing about how, in just a few moments, her book touched me.

With all of this said, this annulment was the final string, the final attachment, the final chapter of that part of my life. I want to thank everyone for listening to me, for holding me, for loving me, for supporting me, for celebrating me throughout my life, but especially over the last three years. I truly would not have made it this far and am beyond grateful for the relationships that I have made, cultivated and cherished.

Thank you does not do my feelings justice.

Onward and Upward.